why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
