you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
