grandma shit on top of the toilet
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
