Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
