You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
