Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
