I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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