Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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