you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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