That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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