so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
