4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
420 ftw
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
