your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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