Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
