you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
