her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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