Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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