just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
