Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
