hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
