We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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