4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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