I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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