3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
