Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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