The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
