I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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