wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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