What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
