i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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