we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
