and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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