I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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