Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
