I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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