I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
