Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
