At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
