Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
