Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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