I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize