Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
40s are totally the cure
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
