Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
