Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
