WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
