Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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