While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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