mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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