my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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