I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
