can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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