yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
