Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
