She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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