you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
