I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
