That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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