Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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