Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
