i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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