Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
