I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
