So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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