they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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