Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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