As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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