I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
