I have demons in me.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
