saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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