Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
