the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
