honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
