It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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