Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
