My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize