just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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