Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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