I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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