Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
